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Lars Gunblade

“Centalia concert will be on DL,” says Gunblade.

Controversial rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns announced this morning that their aborted free concert in Centralia, PA will happen in the next few months.

“I can tell you the concert is back on,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “But this time it will totally be in secret… Very much on the DL [down low]. At the last possible moment, we’ll send out an email to trusted fans with the date and time. Last time, local idiots interfered. They won’t get the chance this time. They are shut out!”

The band’s promised August 11 concert was short-circuited by local outrage and the kidnapping and molestation of the band’s manager and a roadie. “They wanted to come here and defame this place,” said one elderly Shamokin, PA resident who did not wish to be identified. “They have no respect for the tragedy that people around here have gone through. They’re pigs and nothing less!”

The band seemed elated about the new concert plans. “Before we had to be respectful of laws and shit,” said bass player Carnage Smith. “This time, it’ll all be in secret and that means no rules, baby. You won’t believe some of the crazy things we have planned for this concert. It’s gonna be illegal or immoral or, as I like it, both!”

And what of the virgins that the band had planned to sacrifice at the previous concert? “Well, we kind of deflowered them all right after the first concert got cancelled,” admitted guitarist Vas Defrens. “But they’re still up for it so it’s a go.”