Lars Gunblade

“Centalia concert will be on DL,” says Gunblade.

Controversial rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns announced this morning that their aborted free concert in Centralia, PA will happen in the next few months.

“I can tell you the concert is back on,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “But this time it will totally be in secret… Very much on the DL [down low]. At the last possible moment, we’ll send out an email to trusted fans with the date and time. Last time, local idiots interfered. They won’t get the chance this time. They are shut out!”

The band’s promised August 11 concert was short-circuited by local outrage and the kidnapping and molestation of the band’s manager and a roadie. “They wanted to come here and defame this place,” said one elderly Shamokin, PA resident who did not wish to be identified. “They have no respect for the tragedy that people around here have gone through. They’re pigs and nothing less!”

The band seemed elated about the new concert plans. “Before we had to be respectful of laws and shit,” said bass player Carnage Smith. “This time, it’ll all be in secret and that means no rules, baby. You won’t believe some of the crazy things we have planned for this concert. It’s gonna be illegal or immoral or, as I like it, both!”

And what of the virgins that the band had planned to sacrifice at the previous concert? “Well, we kind of deflowered them all right after the first concert got cancelled,” admitted guitarist Vas Defrens. “But they’re still up for it so it’s a go.”


  1. Commodore Schmidlapp, MBE says:

    I would be happy if this band never performed again. I’d be ecstatic if I learned that the entire band fell into a sausage grinder and got turned into pink slime.

  2. Rambo68 says:

    I have never heard of this band. They look like total assholes.

    • Annette says:

      I’m sure that you, on the other hand, are drop dead handsome.

      Right. Sure you are.


  3. T-Bone says:

    I happen to know that I’m one of the people who will get the email with the date and time. I’m on parole and everything but I’m going nuts at this concert. If that puts me back in Oz, so be it.

    • Fran says:

      If you come to our community and do awful things like you say, you can bet you’ll be back in jail where you apparently belong.

  4. Fran says:

    I can’t believe the nerve of this pathetic band. Why won’t they leave us in PA alone? Stop threatening to come to our area with your loud rock concert. I asked my grandson about your band and he never heard of you. HA!

    As before, we’ll make certain that this “secret” concert never happens.

    Go someplace where people actually want to hear you… like hell.

  5. Sporant762 says:

    Yeah, sure, and they’ll probably never actually do the show. I’m so sick of this band. Yeah, Blow Chunks Ballet is a great song but they suck and have sucked for years.

    • Kronkos says:

      And what’s with their obsession with this one lousy concert?

      • L. Spouse says:

        No Talent Ass Clowns? More like No Talent Assholes! I just saw them for the first time on the 13th. Worst concert I’ve ever seen. Asked for an autograph afterward and was tased. No thanks.

  6. Vincent W. says:

    Smart move. This way, we can tear the place apart. Admittedly, that may be hard to do since there really isn’t anything there anymore.