Apparently, The No Talent Ass Clowns faked their own deaths! Several tourists reported encountering the band at a brothel in Amsterdam last week.

“It was them alright, ” said Dan F. Baxler III from Port Jervis, NY. “I was on my way out after visiting a prostitute to be spanked and there they were molesting my wife who was in the lobby to pick me up. They were total dicks. That’s how I knew it was them.”

An email received by their manager from front man Lars Gunblade confirms the story. “Yeah, we were fucking with everybody,” read Lars’ email. “We paid a couple of guys in Greenland and they agreed to let those polar bears eat them. Man, that’s rock and roll.”

And is the tour back on? “Hell, yeah. We’ ll be back on tour soon,” said Gunblade in his final sentence. “We’re not infected anymore so watch out, ladies!”

  1. George P. Burdell says:

    I was in that brothel and I didn’t see the band there. I think this story is fake.

  2. Buford Picklefeather says:

    I was saddened to learn they are still alive. I had something of theirs on eBay and as soon as it came out that they were still alive, the bids died. Thanks a lot, ass clowns.

  3. Dan F. Baxler III says:

    Hey, my name wasn’t supposed to be in this story. You said you weren’t going to use my real name. Thanks a lot!

  4. Meat Pants says:

    Great. I just had 50,000 t-shirts printed up saying “In Memory of The No Talent Ass Clowns.” What the hell do I do with them now????? God, I hate this band.

  5. T-Bone says:

    I knew it. I knew it! There was no way this band could be dead. Rock on, guys!!!!! When I get out of prison, I’ll be in the front row of your shows.