Apparently, The No Talent Ass Clowns faked their own deaths! Several tourists reported encountering the band at a brothel in Amsterdam last week.
“It was them alright, ” said Dan F. Baxler III from Port Jervis, NY. “I was on my way out after visiting a prostitute to be spanked and there they were molesting my wife who was in the lobby to pick me up. They were total dicks. That’s how I knew it was them.”
An email received by their manager from front man Lars Gunblade confirms the story. “Yeah, we were fucking with everybody,” read Lars’ email. “We paid a couple of guys in Greenland and they agreed to let those polar bears eat them. Man, that’s rock and roll.”
And is the tour back on? “Hell, yeah. We’ ll be back on tour soon,” said Gunblade in his final sentence. “We’re not infected anymore so watch out, ladies!”