Xanadu as seen in "Citizen Kane"

Xanadu as seen in “Citizen Kane”

Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns are 40 million dollars poorer after being tricked into buying the fictional Xanadu mansion from the film Citizen Kane.

“We were looking for a huge mansion where we could party 24/7,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “We saw that cool mansion in ‘Citizen Kane’ and thought, WTF, let’s buy that. We had no idea Xanadu doesn’t exist. It looked pretty friggin’ real in the movie. I suppose next somebody is going to tell us that Charles Foster Kane didn’t exist either!”

The estate of Charles Foster Kane was offered for sale to the band three months ago by a mysterious stranger named Eddie and the band quickly signed a contract. “We thought it would be great,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “We figured it would be nothing but naked groupies around the pool, in the gardens, in the hallways, you know, pretty much everywhere. Now we’re out 40 million. That’s justice for you. I just wish I had a charity for myself like Lars does. He’s one smart m-fer.”

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  2. Emily Rugburn says:

    How stupid is this guy Lars Gunblade? The Xanadu mansion was fake. Charles Foster Kane’s real mansion was called Rosebud and it was in Bakersfield but it burned down in the 1960s. Everybody knows that.

    • JWB says:

      Try again, Emily. Xanadu was located in the Laurel Canyon until 1952 when it was converted into condominiums for senior citizens.

  3. T-Bone says:

    for all those faggots out there trashing the Ass Clowns… the only reason you don’t understand their music is that you don’t like it!

    • Bruce from Brisbane says:

      Well said, mate.

      • Lew Flapp says:

        I’ve been a fan of The No Talent Ass Clowns since 2002 but I’m starting to get tired of them and I’m getting sick of this website which fawns over the band WAY too much. Ass Clown fan boys make me puke up my internal organs and there are a lot of them here!!!

        • Walter S. says:

          You know what, Bruce and Lew? You can both blow me. (That’s just an expression, don’t get any ideas!)

          You keep insulting The No Talent Ass Clowns and you will be entering a world of pain… I promise you… A world of pain.

  4. Rickey Fitts says:

    I hate this website even though I’m here pretty much every day reading up on the band. Totally lame writing. Bad. Bad. Bad.

  5. Fred Garvin says:

    Truthfully, I found the ad for “urinal cakes” more interesting than this blog article. This worship site sucks the big long one.

  6. Axman13 says:

    this is stopid. and this band stupid as will. i hate this guys. there music is like dying slowly but slowly. hate them. never see this movie. is it old or someting?

  7. Morty Jeffries says:

    Glad to see this band is every bit as stupid as I always thought they were. Maybe they’ll go bankrupt soon and we’ll never hear from their sorry asses again.

    You guys suck. You haven’t released a decent CD since Say Hello to My Posterior.

  8. Meat Pants says:

    Xanadu isn’t real?