J.D. Salinger made certain no one would ever make a film of his book “The Catcher in the Rye”… or so he thought.

Turns out rock bad boy band The No Talent Ass Clowns will produce a film version of Salinger’s famous book and have hinted that teen heartthrob (and confirmed major pothead) Justin Bieber will take on the difficult role of Holden Caulfield.

“Yeah, we’re f**king doing it. Respectfully, we say screw Salinger and screw his estate!” shouted front man Lars Gunblade during a press conference held at Consumption Auditorium in Kings Nose, NJ. “We’re not afraid to shoot this movie and no one–and I mean no one–can stop us.”

“Yeah, we had to do some things to get away with this,” said guitar player Vas Defrens. “Justin Bieber is going to play a guy named ‘Holden Crawfeld.’ That way, we’re totally cool and they can’t sue us. That how some German dude got away with filming Dracula. The filmmaker just called him Count Orlok instead. If it worked then, it will work now. That’s how smart we are.”

“It’s going to be a great movie,” said bass player Carnage Smith, “and it’ll be an even better video game. ‘The Catcher in the Rye’ game for PS4 is going to be awesome, dude.”

The band refused to reveal any further details about the film project. “When’s it coming out?” asked drummer Joey Van Dundro. “You’ll find out, OK, bitch? Just shut up with all the questions already!”


Joey Van Dundro, No Talent Ass Clowns

  1. Jimmy Oatmeal says:

    I noticed the El Grande ad and I have to say it doesn’t work. In fact, it caused me extreme pain down there. My dating life was ruined taking El Grande and dates made fun of me on Twitter, including pics of my shriveled dinky.

  2. Sandra Chase says:

    I would not see this movie. I’d rather continue watching porn instead.

  3. Timbo says:

    Drummer Joey Van Dundro seems like quite a douche.

  4. Ron Obvious says:

    I spent hours cross-checking the net and I’m fairly sure this story about the Ass Clowns doing a “Catcher in the Rye” movie is bullshit.

    The Ass Clowns are famous for pulling shit like this.

    • Dave G. says:

      Yeah, like when they faked their own deaths a couple of years ago. Remember that? Yeah, they’re lying bastards. But I gotta admit that some of their albums are still killer.

  5. Mike Oxlong says:

    What is this phaggot ass shit?

  6. Charlie Salinger says:

    After all his legal problems, maybe Bieber would be quite appropriate to play Holden Caulfield, excuse me, Holden Crawfeld.

  7. Annon says:


  8. Nicholas Parsons says:

    I intent to notify the Salinger people about this. This idiot band will be sued to within an inch of its life. Arrogant pricks.

    • Bob Monkhouse says:

      You were the kid in school who reminded the teacher that she didn’t give out any homework, aren’t you?


  9. Zippo says:

    Man, these guys are stupid. Nosferatu (1922) was ordered by the court to be destroyed when Bram Stoker’s widow took the film company to court. Luckily, some prints were hidden away and that’s why it still exists.

  10. Professor Dufus says:

    “Methinks it is like another fall of man.”
    –Henry V

  11. JSR4893 says:

    What a horrible, horrible idea. I’d sooner have my brains pulled out through my nose and burned in front of me.

    • Buffalo Bilbo says:

      I’d be happy to do that for you, if you wish. I got the tools. No charge. I can do it today.

  12. Cassandra X. says:

    Sounds like a winner. I’d go see it.

  13. Not Lew Flapp says:

    Justin Bieber as Holden Caulfield? Sounds like they can’t lose with this. I’ll definitely illegally download the movie when it comes out.