Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns announced this morning that they will headline a Benefit Concert for the building of the Benedict Arnold Memorial Statue in Arnold’s hometown of Norwich, Connecticut. Benedict Arnold, who famously switched sides to join the British during the American Revolution, is generally ranked as one of America’s greatest villains.
Reactions from across the country have been swift and negative. Within minutes of the announcement, The Daughters of the American Revolution stated it was no longer going to allow No Talent Ass Clowns music to be played at their functions.
“This is BS,” said “Walter ,” 58, a former veteran from Alabama who is now in command of a secret militia group that he refused to name. “Benedict Arnold betrayed America in the Civil War. And somebody wants to celebrate that with a statue? Seems dead wrong to me.”
Front man Lars Gunblade sees the Arnold statue differently. “Why would anyone be angry? Hello? The war’s been over for like 225 years! Chill, dudes!” said Gunblade. “The Benedict Arnold statue will be awesome. It’ll go right in front of City Hall and it’ll be 200 feet tall. If that’s not awesome enough, get this… depending on what angle you view it from, you’ll see him wearing either his American uniform or his British uniform. How cool is that?”
“Benedict Arnold has always gotten bad press because he turned traitor and joined the redcoats. Big deal!” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “We like him because he was all about attitude. There was a lot of resistance to this statue but when we pay off all the Norwich city officials and various politicians, you can bet we will have the green light to build it.”
The infamous band has often been criticized for its choices for benefit concerts, particularly its decision to headline a concert to benefit Wall Street bankers when the Great Recession began. “Hey, somebody offered to pay us in cash and we never say no to that arrangement,” said drummer Joey Van Dundro. “Anyway, Benedict Arnold joined with the Brits. They’re our allies, right? What’s the problem?”
The band has not settled on a date for the concert. Gunblade stated that he wanted Revolutionary War reenactors to stage a battle during the concert but insisted that they use live ammunition to make it more exciting for the audience.
Stay tuned for details.