Legendary rock band The No Talent Ass Clowns will be the first band in history to tour in a sub-orbital plane.

The band held a standing-room-only press conference aboard their touring blimp this morning to announce the maiden voyage of their sub-orbital plane on October 6. Band members admitted they stole the design from someone else and changed it just enough to avoid being sued.

“The blimp is cool but this is much more awesome,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “We’ll be able to get to any venue in the world in like 15 minutes. Even better, we’ll be able to bang groupies in zero gravity. Who hasn’t dreamed of doing that?”

Questions have arisen about how the band can afford a plane reputed to cost $30 billion dollars to build. “We’re got partners and backers,” said controversial guitarist Vas Defrens. “Let’s just leave it at that, OK?”


  1. Dr. JWB says:

    I am a rocket scientist and I can tell you that this thing cannot fly.

    • Dr. LHO says:

      I worked in the Shuttle program and I’m telling you it can fly. Ignore above comment. JWB doesn’t know anything about anything. He doesn’t even know the touch of a woman and he’s 32 years old.

      • Dr. JWB says:

        Well, Lee, at least I never resorted to the touch of a man like you’ve done hundreds of times… if the graffiti in the men’s bathroom next to the propulsion lab is any indication.

        • Dr. LHO says:

          Listen, John,

          Your insinuations are pathetic. You should have been fired years ago.

          • Dr. JWB says:

            Let’s face it. You’re pissed that I didn’t want to play the skin flute with you after all of us watched that Star Trek: TNG marathon. That’s what this is about. This isn’t about a sub-orbital touring plane. It’s not about the No Talent Ass Clowns and their brand of kick-ass rock and roll. It’s about you and your unsuccessful attempts to control your unnatural desires in a research lab full of dudes. Just admit it.

  2. Annette K. says:

    What’s with the droopy nose on the plane?

    Was this plane based on a mold of Lars Gunblade’s junk? I’m thinking yes. So the plane goes up and is done in 15 minutes. I was an Ass Clowns groupie during their “Pucker Factor” tour. Take it from me, that sounds about right.

  3. Candi says:

    Hey, Ass Clowns, fly me. I’m no longer infected… really.