No Talent Ass Clowns WallpaperLegendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns issued a statement this morning demanding that all other rock groups disband. The band appeared quite serious during their press conference aboard the band’s tour blimp.

“We’re not bullshitting here!” said front man Lars Gunblade. “We want all bands to throw in the towel within 30 days and hand all of their groupies over to us. My band says everything that needs to be said about rock and roll. Therefore, these other groups just get in the way. They’re kind of like the turds in the punch bowl. Actually, that’s not a fair comparison because I’m usually the one putting turds in the punch bowl.”

What’s the consequence if other bands don’t heed the Ass Clowns’ warning? “They’ll force us to release another CD of high-powered rock and roll. They will rue the day if they defy us.”

When asked for comment, most bands replied, “Who are The No Talent Ass Clowns?” Other bands, however, don’t seem interested in complying. Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters, with whom Lars Gunblade has had a long-standing grudge said, “Disband? I don’t think so. Releasing another Ass Clowns CD will finish the Ass Clowns off, not us. This is just another example of Lars’ ego getting the better of him. He’s an embarrassment. But I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hiya! I simply wish to give a huge thumbs up for
    the good info you may have here on this post. I shall be
    coming again to your weblog for extra soon.

    My web site; [Yeah, nice try, a-hole. Guess you didn’t realized this site is monitored. Spam elsewhere, my friend. –Site Administrator]

  2. Bruce from Brisbane says:

    Sounds like a good idea to me.

  3. Heather Shea says:

    This is a stupid story and this is a stupid website. Come to think of it, the web is stupid and so is anyone who uses it. And computers… they’re stupid too. Actually, everything is stupid.

    • Vinnie from Brooklyn says:

      Heather, it’s time for your meds. Take a little nap and let some of the other inmates have some computer time.

      I take it you aren’t an Ass Clowns fan? Is that because the band didn’t want to sleep with you? Be honest.

  4. Arthur Pewtey says:

    Many bands have prior commitments for concerts for many years. I don’t think this is very feasible from an accounting standpoint.

  5. Sam Bass says:

    How about if the Ass Clowns disband in 30 days? That would be cause for a fucking national holiday.

    • T-Bone says:

      Hey, Sam,

      Know what your intestines look like? Would you like to find out?

      Stop bashing the Ass Clowns, dickweed.

      • Sam Bass says:

        Actually, I do know what my intestines look like. I’ve tried to disembowel myself several times but the nuns always stopped me. I would pay you to disembowel me, T-Bone, if you’re looking for some quick cash.

        • The Original Greaser Bob says:

          I’ve got a shack down by the river. Come there and I’ll disembowel ya… or anyone else who would care to be disemboweled. Intestines are of some value in trade.

  6. Nick Ray Tummo says:

    I like it. It would be a lot easier than collecting all of that other music.

  7. Buford Picklefeather says:

    I think this actually makes a lot of sense.