Legendary rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns issued a statement this morning demanding that all other rock groups disband. The band appeared quite serious during their press conference aboard the band’s tour blimp.
“We’re not bullshitting here!” said front man Lars Gunblade. “We want all bands to throw in the towel within 30 days and hand all of their groupies over to us. My band says everything that needs to be said about rock and roll. Therefore, these other groups just get in the way. They’re kind of like the turds in the punch bowl. Actually, that’s not a fair comparison because I’m usually the one putting turds in the punch bowl.”
What’s the consequence if other bands don’t heed the Ass Clowns’ warning? “They’ll force us to release another CD of high-powered rock and roll. They will rue the day if they defy us.”
When asked for comment, most bands replied, “Who are The No Talent Ass Clowns?” Other bands, however, don’t seem interested in complying. Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters, with whom Lars Gunblade has had a long-standing grudge said, “Disband? I don’t think so. Releasing another Ass Clowns CD will finish the Ass Clowns off, not us. This is just another example of Lars’ ego getting the better of him. He’s an embarrassment. But I don’t mean that in a bad way.”