Lars Gunblade at Consumption Auditorium

Gunblade: “We did Lennay backstage several times.”

Just when you thought a story couldn’t get weirder. Now adding to the controversy surrounding Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o and his imaginary girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, is the legendary bad boys of rock, The No Talent Ass Clowns. In a press conference this morning, the rockers claim that they all dated Lennay Kekua.

“Well, ‘dated’ is a nice way to put it,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “We all shared her backstage after a number of concerts in 2012. She never mentioned this Manti Te’o guy. She was something else. She was massively hot, let me tell you. We gave it to her every which way and I can guarantee you she is every bit as real as I am! ” declared Gunblade as he fondled two groupies beside his podium.

The band went on to say that they kicked her to the curb when she revealed that she had a particularly disfiguring form of venereal disease and had infected each of them. “We’ve been down this STD road before so this wasn’t right,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “We always gave her cab fare to get home and this is how she thanks us.”


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  1. Toxteth O'Grady says:

    I’m pretty sure I took this photo of Lars Gunblade. Where’s my credit? And my money?

  2. Mike R. says:

    I am envious of this band’s lifestyle… except for the whole VD part.

  3. Rev. Scott says:

    I am disgusted by this band’s rampant sexism. I pray everyday that they will be killed or maimed to the point that they can’t play music any longer. Yet, nothing happens. More women are debased by this band and they seem to enjoy waving their asses in God’s face. This has caused me to question my faith a lot lately.

  4. Ricky Fitts says:

    I don’t like all of these banner ads that are showing up on the site now. i thought it was all about the music!

  5. Phillip Traum says:

    Call me cynical but I’m having my doubts about this story.

  6. carla says:

    i got it on with everyone in the band after nearly all of their concerts in 2012 and i don’t remember seeing this bitch in the body pile. i think they’re just making shit up.

  7. Meat Pants says:

    If you’re going to question the existence of Lennay Kekua, then you might as well question the existence of The No Talent Ass Clowns.

  8. Nick Ray Tummo says:

    Well, there’s your proof. What’s the mainstream media going to say about this?