Just when you thought a story couldn’t get weirder. Now adding to the controversy surrounding Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o and his imaginary girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, is the legendary bad boys of rock, The No Talent Ass Clowns. In a press conference this morning, the rockers claim that they all dated Lennay Kekua.
“Well, ‘dated’ is a nice way to put it,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “We all shared her backstage after a number of concerts in 2012. She never mentioned this Manti Te’o guy. She was something else. She was massively hot, let me tell you. We gave it to her every which way and I can guarantee you she is every bit as real as I am! ” declared Gunblade as he fondled two groupies beside his podium.
The band went on to say that they kicked her to the curb when she revealed that she had a particularly disfiguring form of venereal disease and had infected each of them. “We’ve been down this STD road before so this wasn’t right,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “We always gave her cab fare to get home and this is how she thanks us.”