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“Ass On Demand” by The No Talent Ass Clowns has a simple message that isn’t sitting well with some female fans. Like the “On Demand” button on your remote, the band finds that they have an “Ass On Demand” button on tour. And it gets pressed a lot.

“Hey, why do you think people want to be rock stars anyway? The money? The fame? No. It’s about the chicks, man,” said front man Lars Gunblade. “You could probably get rich selling real estate somewhere, but what good does that do you on a Saturday night? Bupkis.”

“Well, let me tell you, ‘Ass On Demand’ is sort of like the holy grail for the band,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “When we play it live, the audience is really moved. When I look out and see hot young mothers singing the chorus, it touchin’. I have to admit I kind of teared up a little.”

“Let’s be honest here. Who wouldn’t want ‘Ass On Demand’?” asked Gunblade. “I know you’re not supposed to admit that around chicks but come on. At least the band is being honest here. Give us credit for that.”

Ass On Demand: Not So Easy For Some Fans

Most Ass Clowns fans have embraced the song. “I think it’s great,” said a man who asked to be called Mr. K (although his real name is Kyle Longbaugh and he lives at 3927 Elmroyster Circle in Elmira, NY). “My wife wants to divorce me because I’ve tried to take this song’s message to heart. Turns out I haven’t had as much success as the band regarding this boy, this girl, this sex thing.”

Originally released four years ago, “Ass On Demand” showed up again on their latest CD “Pinch the Loaf.” When asked why they re-recorded the song, Gunblade grew indignant. “What kind of question is that? Artists may paint several versions of a painting. Don’t ask me any more stupid questions.”