We knew it had to happen. After telling advertisers for years to fornicate themselves, The No Talent Ass Clowns are now hawking “El Grande Blue” a pill for erectile dysfunction and enhancement. The Chinese makers of El Grande Blue have been in court repeatedly for fraud and manslaughter charges over the years but the band stands behind the product.
“This shit works!” says front man Lars Gunblade. “I started using El Grande a few years ago when I realized I was having trouble raising to the occasion ten or twelve times a day. That’s a typical requirement for me because we have chicks everywhere, man.”
Side effects of El Grande Blue can be severe, including “sudden, violent and uncontrollable bleeding from the eyes and rectum.” Yet, the band seems unconcerned.
“A woody for 24 hours. You can’t get that any other way,” remarks drummer Joey Van Dundro. “Yeah, it hurts like shit but it’s worth it.”
Many fans are disappointed that their heroes have completely sold out. Gunblade has a message for them. “Just shut up and buy our CDs! That’s your job. My job is banging every chick in sight.”