Joey Van Dundro, No Talent Ass Clowns

Ass Clowns ads like this are causing a stir among fans

We knew it had to happen. After telling advertisers for years to fornicate themselves, The No Talent Ass Clowns are now hawking “El Grande Blue” a pill for erectile dysfunction and enhancement. The Chinese makers of El Grande Blue have been in court repeatedly for fraud and manslaughter charges over the years but the band stands behind the product.

“This shit works!” says front man Lars Gunblade. “I started using El Grande a few years ago when I realized I was having trouble raising to the occasion ten or twelve times a day. That’s a typical requirement for me because we have chicks everywhere, man.”

Side effects of El Grande Blue can be severe, including “sudden, violent and uncontrollable bleeding from the eyes and rectum.” Yet, the band seems unconcerned.

“A woody for 24 hours. You can’t get that any other way,” remarks drummer Joey Van Dundro. “Yeah, it hurts like shit but it’s worth it.”

Many fans are disappointed that their heroes have completely sold out. Gunblade has a message for them. “Just shut up and buy our CDs! That’s your job. My job is banging every chick in sight.”

  1. jktr1988 says:

    I hate the No Talent Ass Clowns. But what I really hate are ass clowns who hijack threads and talk about stupid shit like how much they hate their brother-in-law and how they’re pissed this guy is banging their wife which is pretty weird seeing as how they’re brother and sister at all. Of course, sometimes they see them going at it and join in and love it but feel guilty about it later and take the brother-in-law out to get more beer and hit him over the head and dump his body under a bridge on route 32. Sure, they feel weird about it for awhile but not for too long.

    • UPDATE:

      You all will be glad to know that “jktr 1988” was arrested last night by the NYPD for murder.

      We will miss his interesting comments on our website but this is for the best.

  2. Ex-fan says:

    The No Talent Ass Clowns sold out. i hate them. I’m NEVER buying another Ass Clowns CD again. Actually, I’ve never bought any of their CDs before. I just illegally download them like everybody else does. So there, I’m NEVER illegally downloading any more of their songs!!!!

  3. Lars von Trier says:

    These guys remind me of Hitler. I’m serious.

  4. William Augustus Tobiaz says:

    First time on this site. I like it. The band sounds cool. I’m definitely ordering a No Talent Ass Clowns thong for myself. BTW, I only got here because I googled “ass sex.”

  5. LarsGunblade says:

    Your fan site is stupid. I hope you know that.

  6. Jim R. Wilson, NYC says:

    I tried those shitty pills once. My girlfriend laughed at me because I couldn’t get my pants back on. After awhile, it started pissing her off because it wouldn’t stop. Then it started to hurt. I mean hurt like a m-f-er!!!! I prayed for that freakin’ erection to go away. It took almost 27 hours. I was hospitalized for awhile and my girlfriend left me for a guy with a very small penis. How’s that for irony!

    • girlbait909 says:

      Sounds like a great endorsement to me. I’ll check those pills out!

      • Candi says:

        My boyfriend died after he took 147 El Grande Blue pills on a dare at a party. His death wasn’t his fault. It was El Grande Blue’s! I’m suing big time.

  7. Jim from Love Canal says:

    I asked about El Grande Blue at the drug store and they said there’s no such thing. I became angry and burned down the store. Why can’t these stores get their act together and stock products we want.