Ever the innovators, controversial rockers The No Talent Ass Clowns have released their new single on an Edison cylinder… a format dead since the late 1910’s.

Whisper to the Thunder appeared this morning in stores across the country, much to the bewilderment of many customers. “What the f*ck is this?” remarked Dan J., a customer in New York City. “What the f*ck am I going to do with a cylinder? I’m sick of this band and all of their bullsh*t.” The asking price of the cylinder–$75–is not helping with sales either.

“Hey, look,” said front man Lars Gunblade, “if bands like Pearl Jam and Guns N’ Roses can release their precious albums on f*cking vinyl, why can’t we release on Edison Cylinders? Huh? Answer that and stay fashionable!”

Gunblade and the rest of the band are big fans of the cylinder format. “We like cylinders and are trying to revive them. Granted, it’s basically one song per cylinder with an extremely limited dynamic range so there are some gigantic limitations.”

Since virtually no one but antique collectors have cylinder players, most people obviously won’t ever hear this new single. “Maybe that’s a good thing,” said Chico O’Brian, owner of CD Wasteland in Kings Nose, NJ. “If no one hears it, no one will know how bad it probably is. I gave up on this band after Pucker Factor although Ass on Demand has its moments.”

For fans, the packaging reveals something interesting. “Lars Gunblade and the No Talent Ass Clowns” on the label is saying to fans that Lars Gunblade has finally declared his superiority over the band. We say, it’s about time!


  1. Supple Dave says:

    My 98-year-old great grandmother has a cylinder player. She listened to the song and said it totally kicked ass. Her words.

  2. Rueben Cogburn says:

    I don’t understand… I can’t find this band’s CDs on Amazon and I can’t find them in stores. I asked a guy at a CD store about the No Talent Ass Clowns and he said I was a moron.

    What’s going on here? Why can’t I find this new release… or ANY of their music?

  3. Buford Picklefeather says:

    Luckily, my great-aunt owns a cylinder player. I got my Edison Cylinder in the mail yesterday and put it on for a listen. It sounds terrible. It’s all scratchy, there’s absolutely no bass response whatsoever and it’s in mono. Mono… f*cking MONO.

    What a stupid idea. How do I even make an MP3 of this? I can’t exactly pop the cylinder into my PC and convert it now can I?

    This band is really pissing me off. First, they fake that they’re dead, then they cancel that Centralia concert that would have been awesome. I hate the appropriately named No Talent Ass Clowns.

  4. Axeman13 says:

    This iis all fake.

  5. Sport says:

    It’s shit like this that makes me realize why I hate this band. I was out of the drug-dealing business. Now I have to get back in to be able to buy a cylinder player to hear this.

  6. Sammy J. says:

    What’s the big deal? You can get a reproduced cylinder player for under a thousand dollars.

    I want to hear this so it will be money well spent!!!!!!

    • Young Goodman Brown says:

      Lars Gunblade has blatantly stolen the expression “Whisper to the Thunder” from guitarist Jimmy Page of Led Zepp.

      I brand Lars Gunblade a thief and a charlatan.