No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro was arrested yesterday, which means each member of the band has been incarcerated within one month. “That must be some kind of record,” exclaimed Police Chief Daniel Baxter of Kings Nose, NJ as he struck Van Dundro repeatedly in the groin during interrogation. After more than two dozen baton hits to the drummer’s testicles, Van Dundro was released.
“The arrest was bogus,” Van Dundro told reporters after being released. “You know those tags on mattresses that say not to remove them under Federal law? I got drunk and removed one. The hooker I was with called the cops and they were all over my ass. What kind of country is this?”
The rest of the band was excited to hear of Van Dundro’s arrest. “This really means something,” mused front man Lars Gunblade as he groped several groupies at a Kings Nose strip club. “Seriously, this shows we aren’t posers like some bands. We really ARE pigs. My folks would have been so proud if they hadn’t been killed in that mine shaft disaster.”