Joey Van Dundro

Van Dundro: “I might Ass Clown your car tonight!”

In a surprising revelation, No Talent Ass Clowns drummer Joey Van Dundro admitted that he “ass clowns” cars all the time.

Ass Clowning is the notorious practice that involves breaking into cars at Ass Clowns concerts and defecating on the driver’s seat. Since its invention in the 1990s by the mysterious Nick Ray Tummo, Ass Clowning has become an accepted aspect of Ass Clown concerts worldwide and even has a place in the Urban Dictionary.

Now, Van Dundro says he has contributed to the phenomenon on a regular basis. “I did it for the kicks after one of our shows,” says Van Dundro. “Then, I began to realize that Ass Clowning became a part of who I am. Taking a dump on some guy’s seat and knowing the horror he’s going to face trying to remove it fills me with a deep sense of personal satisfaction. I Ass Clown cars all the time and not just at our concerts. Hell, I might Ass Clown your car tonight!”

COMMENT ON THIS BLOG

  1. Sean Meagher says:

    Once I “ass-clowned” my own car because I was bored. I don’t recommend doing that. It was kind of gross.

  2. Timothy Thomas says:

    Somebody ass clowned my car once. I took him out with a tire iron and dumped his body in the East River. His disappearance remains a mystery to his family. I’d do it again in a minute if I had to. Actually, they’ve “repoed” my car so I guess I won’t have to.

    • Joan Face says:

      How typical. An Ass Clowns fan confessing to a murder. How often has that happened on this website? Too many times.

  3. Edna Drysdale says:

    THIS WEB SITE IS APPALLING. HOW COULD ANYONE READ THIS FILTH? I’M TRULY DISGUSTED.

    • Meat Pants says:

      You read it, didn’t you, you dirty old hag!

      Obviously, you haven’t been laid in a thousand years or something. I’d offer to change that but, hey, I’m not that desperate. Well, not yet anyway. If that changes, I’ll let you know.

      • Edna Drysdale says:

        YOUR A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING. HOW DARE YOU SAY THOSE THINGS TO ME. I’M DEEPLY OFFENDED BY YOUR PIG-LIKE MANNERS. I SUPPOSE I COULD SAY SOMETHING MEAN LIKE I’D LIKE TO RIP OFF YOUR HEAD AND SHIT IN YOUR NECK BUT I WON’T.

  4. Walter S. says:

    If any of you faggots “ass clowns” my car, I’ll “ass clown” your face. I’m serious.

    I drive a convertible, which I guess makes me an easy target for morons who are into ass clowning. Just remember what I said…

    • Nick Ray Tummo says:

      Dear Walter,

      My buttocks have an appointment with your driver’s seat. Watch out, it’s going to be a huge one. I’m a professional. You know I’ll do it!

      • Walter S. says:

        Try it and you’ll be wearing your ass for a hat. You’ve been warned. If I see you anywhere near Jackson, NJ, you’re dead meat.

  5. Nick Ray Tummo says:

    I didn’t realize what a phenomenon I would start when I first ass clowned a car at an Ass Clowns concert back in ’95. At the time, I just couldn’t find a bathroom and I made due with some dickhead’s front seat. Afterward, I watched the guy open his door and throw up when he saw my abundant steaming pile in his seat. That’s when I knew I was onto something big.

    Over the years, I’ve probably ass clowned over 100 cars. I have to say it’s been great and I really have to thank my fans who’ve supported me. When I ass clown a car now, there’s usually a crowd of 25 people or more urging me on. The applause I get when the mission is accomplished makes it all worth it.

    To all my fans, I just want to say thanks!

  6. T-Bone says:

    Some SOB ass clowned my car once at an Ass Clowns concert. I was pissed. I grabbed the next person passing by my car and beat the shit of him. That was probably a mistake in judgement on my part. Luckily, my parole officer never found out about it!!!

  7. Meat Pants says:

    I was going to ass clown a car at a concert once but I got performance anxiety and couldn’t pinch a loaf.

    Happen to anyone else?