The No Talent Ass Clowns

Ass Clowns Leave Sex Clinic in Protest

Notorious for their debauched lifestyle, The No Talent Ass Clowns checked into the El Grande Hornio Sex Clinic in Malibu on Monday, only to be ordered to leave two days later.

“It was shocking,” remarked clinic owner Carlos O’Toole. “Within hours, they had an orgy going on with eight female patients. We frown on that. Right after I enjoyed two of the ladies, I ordered them off the property.”

“We’ve been infected many times and we had every intention of cleaning up our act this time,” said guitarist Vas Defrens. “But there were so many hot chicks there that we couldn’t help ourselves.”

“Who’s kidding who?” said front man Lars Gunblade. “We can give up sex anytime we want. We just don’t want to.”

“We’re getting ready to tour in a few weeks,” said drummer Joey Van Dundro. “This helps get us ready. It’s like a scrimmage game.”

Antics like this have sent anti-Ass Clowns hate groups into a frenzy. “These people are degenerates,” proclaimed Reverend Edna K. Shrimpton, president of the God Hates Ass Clowns Hate Club. “I’m sure if they lured me into bed and took me one after another that they could give me intense pleasure in ways no man ever has. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have a problem.”

“I mean, shit, these guys make Charlie Sheen look like a Catholic priest!” remarked O’Toole. “OK, maybe that’s not the best possible comparison.”

  1. Singa says:

    Hi, I’m an asshole spammer. Sorry I tried to spam here.

  2. P. O'Neil says:

    Say the word and I’ll take out that sex clinic. Lars Gunblade, contact me offline.

  3. George P. Burdell says:

    I once attended that sex clinic in the 1980s. I was able to get a lot more women into bed after going there so it worked out well.

  4. Edna K. Shrimpton says:

    This blog is a lie. I never said what it says I said. This website can say hello to my lawyer.

  5. Chico O'Brian says:

    Sex addicts for sure! A buddy of mine works at a hotel where the Ass Clowns stay when they play Consumption Auditorium. He said the maid usually finds five or six passed out nude girls stuffed into closets in their rooms. Generally there’s vomit all over the furniture, handcuffs and sex lube on the floor… you name it. The sad thing is these girls are usually messed up in the head and have to be put down.

    • Mrs. Bernice K. Burlingtonly says:

      Chico,

      Bullshit! The No Talent Ass Clowns are tee-totaling and shy gentlemen. After their concert in Vegas in ’07, I had tea and cookies with the band backstage. They were perfect gentlemen who read me poetry and love sonnets as they rogered me senseless.

  6. T-Bone says:

    It’s good to see the guys back to business as usual. After I get out of prison, the first thing I’m gonna do is go to an Ass Clowns concert… right after I take care of the prosecuting attorney who put me away.