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The Ass House

Vas Defrens' Controversial Ass House

New York City officials aren’t happy about what the new Ass House Restaurant calls its V.I.P. club—The Back Door Club.

“The Ass House was one thing,” said Jim Tomes of the Mayor’s office. “But the Back Door Club is an insult to everyone in New York City who doesn’t partake of unnatural acts.”

The Ass House opened several weeks ago to a great deal of fanfare, no doubt because the eating establishment was financed by Vas Defrens, lead guitarist of The No Talent Ass Clowns. Defrens is surprised by the Mayor’s protests. “He had no problem with a restaurant called the Ass House so what’s the problem now?”

The restaurant, with its signature dishes such as “Cow’s Ass,” “Pig’s Ass,” and marinated “Lamb Ass,” has proven to be a popular tourist attraction with standing room only most nights.

“I don’t care how popular that place is,” says Tomes. “I’m only too happy to shut that little pervert down if I can! I don’t like Vas Defrens and I’m not exactly a fan of the New Talent Ass Clowns although some of their earlier stuff was pretty decent and they kind of kick ass live.”

Vas Defrens' Ass House Restaurant